[There’s a playlist at the bottom if you want to listen while you read]
45. Pixie Lott – ‘Nasty’ (lol)
44. Paloma Faith – ‘Can’t Rely On You’
43. Miley Cyrus – ‘Adore You’
42. Becky G – ‘Shower’
41. Royksopp & Robyn – ‘Do It Again’
40. Kiesza – ‘Hideaway’
39. La Roux – ‘Tropical Chancer’
38. Neon Jungle – ‘Braveheart’
37. Katy Perry – ‘Birthday’
36. Bright Light Bright Light – ‘I Believe’
35. Leah McFall – ‘Home’ (feat. will.i.am)
34. Adore Delano – ‘DTF’
33. Katy Perry – ‘Dark Horse’ (feat. Juicy J)
32. Mariah Carey – ‘Thirsty’
31. Kylie Minogue – ‘Into The Blue’
30. Katy B – ‘Crying For No Reason’
29. 5 Seconds of Summer – ‘She Looks So Perfect’
28. Lana Del Rey – ‘West Coast’
27. Molly – ‘Children of the Universe’
26. Lykke Li – ‘No Rest For The Wicked’
25. Tiaan – ‘Dive Deep’
24. Jessie Ware – ‘Tough Love’
23. Broods – ‘Bridges’
22. Neon Jungle – ‘Louder’
21. Jennifer Lopez – ‘First Love’
20. fka twigs – ‘Two Weeks’
19. Tove Lo – ‘Habits (Stay High)’
18. Foxes – ‘Let Go For Tonight’
17. Little Mix – ‘Salute’
16. Rich White Ladies – ‘Wimbledon’
15. Cher Lloyd – ‘Sirens’
14. Sia – ‘Chandelier’
13. Brooke Candy – ‘Opulence’
12. Ella Henderson – ‘Ghost’
11. Foxes – ‘Glorious’
10. Lykke Li – Gunshot
Lykke Li’s ‘I Never Learn’ is a thing of wonder. As is ‘Gunshot’. But then can you really go wrong with a MASSIVE SLEDGEHAMMER CHORUS. In a year when choruses have been more akin to the humble pliers, it’s quite nice for a popstar to say “hey, I’m going to slap you in the face with my chorus whether you like it or not.”
9. Charli XCX – ‘Boom Clap’
The age-old tale: amazing popstar releases an amazing song. Amazing popstar gets put into a film that people think are amazing. People realise that the amazing popstar is amazing and said popstar gets amazing success. Fantastic.
8. Rita Ora – ‘I Will Never Let You Down’
Has it been tested that if you don’t like ‘I Will Never Let You Down’, you are a miserable person? I feel like the British Psychology Society should get on that. Does the lack of success in America mean that they’re just a bit miserable? How about France, where it went in at #180? Life’s big question.
7. Ace Wilder – ‘Busy Doin’ Nothin”
Yes, the country guitar in the verses sound exactly like ‘Wake Me Up’. And yes, the shouty, ‘fuck you declining my job application’ chorus sounds exactly like ‘I Love It’. But they sound really good together. I’m still convinced that if she did end up going to Eurovision, this would have been a Euphoria-sized hit. There’s still a chance, I suppose.
6. Jennifer Lopez – ‘I Luh Ya Papi’ (feat. French Montana)
Is it too much of a sweeping statement to declare this laidback, summery bop JLo’s best song? I’m going there. Has she ever released anything as carefree and fun? For the first time in ages, it seems like JLo decided not to chase a trend, and just released a really good song. It’s a shame when popstars aren’t rewarded for this, but hey, she must appreciate the 100-or-so men that love it.
5. Nicole Scherzinger – ‘Your Love’
In order to increase audience-writer communication, I have a competition. If you can show me a better ‘popstar in the 2003 use of the word’, you will receive a prize. Examples of ‘popstars in the 2003 use of the word’ include Britney circa Slave, Christina circa Dirty etc. Answers on a postcard please [or just on Twitter – there’s a blog in it]. Back to ‘Your Love’, what a bizarre yet brilliant slice of guitar laden R&B.
4. Tinashe – ‘2 On’ (feat. Schoolboy Q)
Tinashe is the best new popstar in the world right now. Which probably means we’ll never get her debut album. But tbh, who really needs an album when you have a ratchet banger already under your belt. Would anyone really argue with her if she kept slinging ‘2 On’ out for the rest of her career with a new video every time?
3. Danity Kane – ‘Lemonade’ (feat. Tyga)
Who would have thought Danity Kane would be the owners of the third best song of 2014? Well, ‘Lemonade’ is, so we all thought wrong. It wasn’t looking good, with the band losing a member/still not being signed. But ‘Lemonade’ corners the ‘RuPaul-approved slut jam’ market in a way that even Mariah Carey didn’t quite manage. It’s a shame that they don’t have the budget to properly push this, but hey, let’s hope the album comes out (even if it’s on Pledge Music).
2. Iggy Azalea – ‘Fancy’ (feat. Charli XCX)
I’ve read too many (one) thinkpieces about how Iggy Azalea can’t rap/’the people’ only like this because Charli XCX is good. Now the chorus is amazing, but so are the verses. Don’t act like you haven’t opened a conversation with “first things first, I’m the realest.” Don’t pretend that you haven’t tagged at least one selfie with ‘I’m so fancy’. If you haven’t, you’re doing it wrong.
1. Ariana Grande – ‘Problem’ (feat. Iggy Azalea)
Time will tell, but ‘Problem’ may be one of the greatest pop songs of all time. It’s not even offensive that they forgot to throw a chorus into the mix. Does anyone else feel like ‘Problem’ is the start of an Ariana Grande-sized pop hurricane? Admittedly she’s diminutive, but you catch my drift.
early to the party. 